Counselling for Loss and Bereavement

We hurt where we care.

It's a simple sentence, yet it says so much about grief.

Grief isn't something that's gone wrong. It's a reflection of love, connection and the significance of what – or who - has been lost. Loss can mean the death of someone you love. It can also mean the end of a relationship, a job, a role, a sense of self, your health, or the future you imagined.

Whether your loss is recent or happened many years ago, grief has a way of finding us at unexpected moments.

A song.

A birthday.

A familiar place.

A smell.

A quiet Sunday afternoon.

Sometimes grief feels overwhelming. Sometimes it arrives as a quiet ache. Sometimes it leaves us wondering why everyone else seems to have carried on whilst we're still trying to make sense of life after loss.

There is no right way to grieve.

And there is no timetable.

Grief isn't something we simply leave behind

One of the things I often notice is that people come to counselling believing they should be "over it" by now.

Perhaps friends have stopped asking how they're doing.

Perhaps life has moved on around them.

Or perhaps they've started telling themselves they should be stronger.

But grief doesn't work like that.

Because love doesn't simply disappear.

The relationships we've had continue to matter.

The roles we've held continue to matter.

The work we've done, the future we hoped for, the version of ourselves we thought we'd be continue to matter.

Rather than asking how we get rid of grief, perhaps a kinder question is:

How do we learn to carry it?

Carrying the suitcase differently

I often think of grief like carrying a suitcase.

Inside are memories.

Love.

Laughter.

Moments you'll never forget.

Perhaps regret.

Perhaps guilt.

Responsibilities.

The hopes you once shared together.

Parts of the person, relationship, role or future you've lost that you'll always carry with you.

When we're grieving, it can feel as though the only way forward is to somehow put the suitcase down forever.

But perhaps that isn't the goal.

Perhaps the work isn't about getting rid of the suitcase.

Perhaps it's about learning to carry it differently.

With greater gentleness.

Greater compassion.

And without allowing the weight of grief to stop us moving towards the life that sill matters.

The suitcase may always be part of the journey.

But it doesn't have to prevent us from continuing the journey.

How I work

My approach is grounded in person-centred counselling.

I offer a calm, compassionate and accepting space where there is no pressure to grieve in a particular way or arrive at a particular destination.

Some sessions may be filled with tears.

Some with silence.

Some with laughter as precious memories are remembered.

All of it is welcome.

Alongside this, I integrate Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).

ACT isn't about helping people "move on".

It's about helping us make space for the thoughts, feelings and memories that naturally accompany loss and bereavement, whilst gently reconnecting with the people, relationships and values that continue to give life meaning.

Grief may remain part of your story.

But it doesn't have to become the whole story.

You might also find helpful

WHY WE DON'T HAVE TO PUT THE SUITCASE DOWN

In this short article and accompanying video, I share one of the metaphors I often use in counselling to explore grief, bereavement and other significant losses. Rather than trying to get rid of what we carry, it invites a different perspective: learning to carry it with greater compassion.

If you're considering counselling...

Reaching out after loss or bereavement can feel incredibly difficult.

Whether you're grieving the death of someone close, the end of a relationship, the loss of a job, a role, your health, your sense of self or another significant life change, you don't have to carry it alone.

If you're unsure whether I'm the right counsellor for you, you're welcome to book a free Introduction Call. It's a chance to talk briefly about what's brought you to counselling, ask any questions you have and get a feel for how I work.

Already feel ready to begin? You don't have to have an Introduction Call first. If you've explored how I work and feel that I might be the right counsellor for you, you can book your first session directly.

I offer face-to-face counselling in central Grimsby, as well as online counselling across the UK.