Counselling for Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence
Low self-esteem isn't always obvious. Sometimes it doesn't look like lacking confidence at all. It can look like overthinking every decision. Apologising when you've done nothing wrong. Finding it difficult to say no. Working hard to keep everyone else happy whilst quietly neglecting yourself. Feeling like you're somehow "not enough", even when the evidence suggests otherwise.
Many people describe feeling as though they're constantly questioning themselves. Wondering whether they're too much.
Not enough.
Too sensitive.
Too emotional.
Too demanding.
Too quiet.
Too loud.
Over time, that self-doubt can become so familiar that it simply feels like who you are.
When the story about ourselves becomes the problem
One of the things I often notice in counselling is that people don't just experience difficult thoughts about themselves.
They begin to believe them.
"I'm not good enough."
"I'm a burden."
"I always get things wrong."
"I'm not lovable."
When we hear those thoughts often enough, they can begin to feel like facts rather than simply thoughts that our mind has learned to produce.
Often, those beliefs didn't begin with us.
Perhaps through criticism.
Bullying.
Difficult relationships.
Childhood experiences.
Or simply feeling that, somehow, you never quite measured up.
Whatever their origin, they can quietly shape the way we see ourselves and the choices we make.
What if you don't need to become someone different?
Many people come to counselling hoping to become more confident.
But perhaps confidence isn't something we have to create from scratch.
Perhaps it's something that begins to grow when we stop believing every unkind story our mind tells us.
Counselling isn't about convincing you that you're amazing.
Nor is it about replacing negative thoughts with positive ones.
Instead, we begin to notice those self-critical stories with greater awareness, kindness and compassion.
Little by little, they often lose some of their grip.
Not because they've disappeared.
But because they no longer get to decide who you are.
How I work
My approach is grounded in person-centred counselling, which means I believe that you are the expert on your own life.
I won't judge you, tell you who you should become, or offer quick fixes.
Instead, I offer a calm, compassionate and accepting space where you can explore your experiences together.
Alongside this, I integrate Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).
ACT invites us to step back from the stories our mind tells us, relate to them with greater compassion and flexibility, and gently reconnect with the person we want to be, rather than the person our self-criticism says we are.
Over time, this can create space for greater self-acceptance, self-confidence and a stronger sense of who you are beneath the doubt.
You might also find helpful
Self-esteem often becomes tangled up with the stories we tell ourselves.
If you've ever found yourself believing thoughts like "I'm not enough," you might find my blog WHEN "I'M NOT ENOUGH" BECOMES THE STORY YOU LIVE BY helpful. It explores how these self-critical stories can quietly shape our lives, and how we can begin relating to them with greater kindness and compassion.
You may also enjoy WHY FIGHTING SHAME OFTEN MAKES IT STRONGER: A SIMPLE ACT METAPHOR, which explores a simple ACT metaphor for understanding shame with greater self-compassion.
If you're considering counselling...
If you've spent a long time doubting yourself, it's understandable if reaching out feels difficult too.
You don't have to have everything figured out before making contact.
If you're unsure whether I'm the right counsellor for you, you're welcome to book a free Introduction Call. It's a chance to talk briefly about what's brought you to counselling, ask any questions you have and get a feel for how I work.
Already feel ready to begin? You don't have to have an Introduction Call first. If you've explored how I work and feel that I might be the right counsellor for you, you can book your first session directly.
I offer face-to-face counselling in central Grimsby, as well as online counselling across the UK.
Counselling for a more meaningful life.