THE ACT Matrix: A Different Way of Understanding What Keeps Us Stuck
- lisa57142
- 2 days ago
- 7 min read
Sometimes we don't need to understand ourselves better. We need to notice what's happening.
That might sound like a strange thing for a counsellor to say.
After all, much of therapy involves making sense of thoughts, feelings, experiences and patterns.
But sometimes, when we're caught up in something difficult, we can become so focused on trying to understand, fix or get rid of what we're experiencing that we lose sight of something else:
Where are our actions actually taking us?
This is one of the things I find so useful about the ACT Matrix.
It's a simple visual tool from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) that can help us notice what's happening inside us, what we're doing in response, what matters to us, and whether our actions are moving us towards that or away from it.
And perhaps most importantly, it gives us somewhere to stand while we notice all of this.
The middle.
What is the ACT Matrix?
The ACT Matrix is a simple four-quadrant diagram.
Two lines cross in the middle.
One helps us distinguish between our inner experiences and what we can experience through our own senses or observe in the world around us.
The other helps us notice whether our behaviour is moving towards what matters to us or away from something we'd rather not experience.
The result is four spaces to explore.
I find it helpful to move around the Matrix anti-clockwise, starting in the top right, because this begins with something important:
What matters to you?
From there, we can notice what gets in the way, what we do in response, and what moving towards what matters might actually look like.
Let's walk around it.
Toward - What matters to you?
We begin in the top right.
This is the space for the people, qualities, relationships and directions that matter to us.
It might be:
Being a loving parent.
Being honest.
Having meaningful relationships.
Being creative.
Living with integrity.
Being compassionate.
Contributing to something that matters.
Learning.
Caring for others.
Having courage.
There isn't a list of universally correct values.
Values are personal.
And they're not goals that we eventually tick off.
They're more like directions we can continue moving towards.
You might never reach the end of being a compassionate person, for example.
There will always be another opportunity to act with compassion.
That's what makes values different from goals.
And sometimes, when life feels overwhelming, we can lose sight of this part of the Matrix completely.
We become so focused on what's wrong, what we're feeling, what we need to solve or what might happen next that we forget to ask:
What actually matters to me here?
Inside - What's happening within?
Moving anti-clockwise, we come to the top left.
This is where we notice the inner experiences that can make moving towards what matters difficult.
Thoughts.
Feelings.
Memories.
Worries.
Doubt.
Guilt.
Fear.
Shame.
Uncertainty.
Physical sensations.
Urges.
The mind can produce an extraordinary amount of material when something matters to us.
And this is important:
Having these experiences isn't a failure.
They are part of being human.
In fact, difficult inner experiences often show up precisely because something matters.
If you care deeply about doing something well, you might experience anxiety about getting it wrong.
If you care about a relationship, you might experience fear of losing it.
If honesty matters to you, you might experience discomfort when you have a difficult truth to face.
If being a good parent matters to you, you might experience guilt when you feel you've fallen short.
The Matrix doesn't ask us to get rid of these experiences.
It asks us to notice them.
Away - What do you do when those experiences show up?
Next, we move down to the bottom left.
This is where we look at what we do in response to those difficult inner experiences.
Perhaps we avoid something.
Procrastinate.
Seek reassurance.
Overthink.
Research endlessly.
Try to control the situation.
Withdraw.
Keep ourselves busy.
Try to make everyone happy.
Check.
Recheck.
Analyse.
Argue with ourselves.
Or attempt to solve the feeling itself.
These behaviours can make complete sense.
They're often attempts to help us feel safer, more certain, more comfortable or more in control.
And that's important because ACT isn't about labelling behaviours as bad.
The more useful question is:
What is this behaviour doing for me?
And perhaps:
Is it actually taking me where I want to go?
An action can provide short-term relief and still have longer-term costs.
We might feel better because we've avoided something - but the avoidance might also take us further away from a relationship, opportunity, value or life direction that matters.
That doesn't mean the behaviour was stupid.
It means it may not be working in the way we hoped.
Action - What could moving towards what matters look like?
Now we reach the bottom right.
This is where we ask:
If this matters to me, what could I do that moves me towards it?
And this is where things can become very practical.
If connection matters, perhaps it's sending the message.
If courage matters, perhaps it's having the difficult conversation.
If creativity matters, perhaps it's making something even while the critical voice is telling you it won't be good enough.
If health matters, perhaps it's taking one small action that supports your wellbeing.
If integrity matters, perhaps it's making a decision that feels uncomfortable but sits more comfortably with the person you want to be.
Values-based action doesn't have to be dramatic.
Often, it's very small.
A conversation.
A boundary.
A phone call.
A decision.
A first step.
Sometimes it's simply doing something you've been avoiding.
And here's the thing:
You don't necessarily have to feel ready before you take the step.
The difficult thoughts and feelings may still be there.
And then we come back to the middle
This is the part of the Matrix that I find particularly interesting.
Because after we've moved around all four spaces, we can notice something:
We're in the middle of all of it.
We're not our thoughts.
We're not our feelings.
We're not our behaviours.
We're the person noticing them.
I might notice:
I'm worried.
I'm having the thought that I've made the wrong decision.
I'm feeling guilt.
I'm trying to solve this.
I'm avoiding something.
I'm moving towards something that matters.
All of those things can be present.
And I can notice them.
This doesn't mean becoming detached or somehow floating above our emotions.
It's much more ordinary than that.
It's the moment where we pause and notice:
This is what is happening right now.
And from that position, we have a little more room to choose what we do next.
The Matrix isn't about becoming a perfect 'towards' person
One of the things I really appreciate about the Matrix is that it doesn't ask us to eliminate away moves.
Moving from something uncomfortable is a completely natural part of being human.
Sometimes moving away is sensible.
If a car is coming towards you, you move away from it.
If something is genuinely dangerous, protecting yourself matters.
The question isn't:
"Do I ever move away from difficult experiences?"
It's:
"Is it helping me move towards the life I want?"
This is where the Matrix becomes much more interesting than a simple good behaviour/bad behaviour chart.
It's about noticing function.
What are we doing?
Why are we doing it?
What does it give us in the short term?
And where does it take us over time?
What happened when I used the Matrix myself
Recently, I found myself using the Matrix to make sense of a difficult decision in my own life.
I had something in front of me that offered opportunities, but I was also experiencing a growing sense that something about it didn't sit comfortably with my values.
So I found myself moving around the matrix.
There were the values that mattered to me.
There was the worry, guilt, confusion and uncertainty.
There was the researching, analysing and problem-solving I was doing in an attempt to find a way to make everything fit.
And there was the question:
What would moving towards my values actually look like?
The useful part wasn't that the Matrix magically gave me the answer.
It helped me see what was happening.
And once I could see it, I had more choice about what I wanted to do next.
I could notice the thoughts and feelings without needing them to disappear first.
I could notice the behaviours I was engaging in to try to resolve the discomfort.
And I could come back to what mattered.
I've also made a short video showing how I worked through this experience using the Matrix:
Psychological flexibility isn't about feeling better first
This is one of the things I love about ACT.
We often assume that the order has to be:
Feel better → feel confident → feel certain → take action.
But life doesn't always work that way.
Sometimes we have to act while uncertainty is still present.
Sometimes courage includes fear.
Sometimes compassion includes guilt.
Sometimes honesty includes discomfort.
Sometimes moving towards what matters means carrying difficult thoughts and feelings with us.
The aim isn't to create a life without uncomfortable experiences.
It's to develop greater flexibility in how we respond to them.
To notice what is happening.
To make room for what is here.
And to keep asking:
"What matters to me?"
"Where is this behaviour taking me?"
"What would moving towards what matters look like right now."
You don't have to figure it all out alone
If you recognise yourself in the Matrix, perhaps you can start by simply noticing.
You don't need to change anything immediately.
Just notice.
When something difficult shows us, ask:
What am I experiencing inside?
What am I doing in response?
Am I trying to move away from something I don't want to feel?
What matters to me here?
Is there a small action I could take towards it?
And then notice what happens.
You might find the answer changes from situation to situation.
That's okay.
The Matrix isn't a set of instructions.
It's a way of looking.
And sometimes, changing the way we look at what is happening gives us just enough space to make a different choice.
If this feels familar...
You don't have to arrive at counselling knowing exactly what is working or what you need to change.
Sometimes we simply start by noticing what is happening - the thoughts, feelings, patterns and behaviours that have become part of your life - and begin exploring where you would like to go from there.
My approach is person-centred and informed by Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), with a focus on developing greater awareness, compassion and psychological flexibility while moving towards a life that feels meaningful and aligned with what matters to you.
I offer face-to-face counselling in central Grimsby and online counselling across the UK.
If you'd like to explore whether counselling with me might be right for you, you're welcome to book a free Introduction Call.
You don't have to have it all figured out before you begin.
Comments